For Rae- 5 memories aka stories from my past for Jenny!

Rachel has requested FIVE memories, and Jenny has requested to hear some stories about my past, so I get to kill two birds with one stone!

1.  When I was like 12, we were at a family reunion for my mom's side of the family.  Her brother is a cowboy.  A handlebar mustache, boots and spurs, beer drinking cowboy.  One day, he took me and 2 of my cousins out for a horse ride.  On the ride, he 'sensed trouble' and rode up ahead.  He found a big ol' rattle snake, so he did what any normal person would do.  He killed it with rocks, and took it home, skinned it and cooked it for everyone.  It was tasty.

2. How John and I met is the best memory of all!  I was busing tables at a restaurant called El Charro, and he came in with some of his friends to eat.  He had just returned to EAC, and his friend, Justin wanted to help him find a girl.  Justin was always asking him questions about what he liked.  When they came into El Charro, and John saw me he told Justin, "THAT is my type" or "someone like her".  I can't quite remember the wording. 

We met the beginning of January, and my sister and brother in law were over for new years.  They were talking about who would be a good catch for me.  They said, 'I wonder what John Davies is doing, he'd be a good catch for you". (they went to EAC with him before his mission)  So when I saw him at EL Charro, I thought he was SO CUTE and I wondered if THAT was John Davies, because I kind of remember seeing him in his college days with my sister.  When I saw him I remember thinking, "Maybe I WILL marry John Davies". 

So we met and I think we were able to stay 'just friends' for about a week.  And then we were boyfriend and girlfriend.  And he made a bet with his friend, Justin, that we wouldn't kiss until Valentines Day, which was a little over a month away.  I think we probably lasted without kissing for two days.  But John REALLY didn't want to lose the bet or he'd have to make breakfast for Justin for a week or a month or something.  So we secretly made out for about a month, and Justin had no clue.  We didn't tell Justin about our secret making out until we'd been married for like 5 years.  I think he was mad!

3. Living in Southern Arizona, we didn't get much rain.  But I remember the summer before my Junior year in HS, I had the BEST group of friends ever.  And one summer evening it rained a lot.  And when  it was done raining, I went out with all of my friends and we walked the streets for hours.  It was a big deal because it was cool enough to be outside in Thatcher in the summer. And when it rains in the desert, the smell it creates is just fabulous.  I think that is one of my favorite high school memories!

4. I remember when John and I were newlyweds, he had a stash of fireworks.  And sometimes we'd invite my little brother over and we'd go to various places and set them off and hope not to get caught.  And one time, when John and I were bored, we got this one firework that we had no idea what it did.  And we went in the backyard of where we were living to light it.  As soon as we lit it, it went straight up in the air making really loud noises.  We didn't even see what the firework did, because as soon as it shot up, we took of and ran inside. John was grabbing all the fireworks and hiding them in case the cops came.  It was funny.

5. Growing up, behind us there was a large desert area that my Dad would take us to.  Sometimes we'd shoot guns, climb the mesa's or just go on walks.  One time when it was just me and him just going on a walk, he found a dead snake.  I am scared of snakes.  He picked it up and said,  "Camilla, look!  A snake."  And I FREAKED out.  I took of running back to the house.  It was probably about half a mile or so back to our house and I was probably about 9 or so.  He said that I took of running on my tiptoes.  I didn't stop until I got home.  I remember seeing the snake and then bursting into the kitchen door with my mom having a very worried look on her face, but I do not remember the run home.  Like I said, I do not like snakes.

Maya's favorite song

So, I realized I left Maya out of the storytelling yesterday.  So here's a funny story about her. 

When she was a baby, Maya would always cry in the car, as most, if not all little babies like to do. When she was like 2 weeks old, no lie, we realized that their was a certain song that would ALWAYS make her stop crying.  The song:  Mr. Roboto by Stix.  She'd be crying and crying and as soon as we'd turn on Mr. Roboto, she'd instantly stop.  It was magical, and it was fabulous.  About a week after this discovery was made, it was no longer magical and fabulous.  It was more like, "I swear if I have to listen to that bloody Mr. Roboto song one more time..."  But it worked, and it always worked.   A time finally came when she stopped crying in the car so much and Mr. Roboto was no longer necessary.   It was a blessed time.  After a little break from Mr. Roboto, w were able to listen to it again, just for fun.  But then something happened and Maya learned how to talk.  And lately when she's sad in the car she yells at me, "boto! boto! boto! boto!  mom! mom!  boto! mom!  BOTO!".  So as you can guess, I put on the bloody boto song.  Listening to Mr. Roboto is better than listening to a nagging 1 year old.  It's still her favorite, and I'm still sick of it.  What a weird song for a little newborn-18 month old little girl to like. 

Conversations You Never Thought You'd Have...

This evening, as I was making dinner, Lily came in and said, "Mom, Izzy pooped in the driveway".  She already pees everywhere (outside), so unfortunately, I instantly believed her.  I went outside and there it was.  Izzy had, indeed, pooped in the driveway.  (for those of you who don't know, Izzy is 4, and should know better)  Thankfully, it wasn't in the MIDDLE of the driveway.  She had enough sense to go poop in front of the little bush at the end of our driveway.  Let me just tell you though, it was a turd of incredible size for such a young, dainty little girl.  If I was her, and had that thing knocking on my bowels, I just might drop whatever I was doing and poo right there in the middle of everything as well.  But not really, cause that's gross.

(ps: I made her pick it up with a tissue, and throw it in the dumpster)


Tonight was Lily's open house for school.  She went outside with a few friends and played on the playground while we listened to the teachers presentation.  It got dark while they were outside.  On the way home, she told me that she was a little scared.  But she feels safe with boys.  Then she said that she feels safe with boys she has crushes on, because they are like her Knights to protect her.  NO LIE, she really said that.  Tonight, she happened to be with TWO boys that she had crushes on, so I'm sure that she felt extra safe.  Good job Patrick and Will, for being Liliy's Knights of the evening. 

I think I have my hands full!

Back to School!

It's back to school time here!  I really shouldn't use an exclamation mark in that phrase.  Back to school means I'll probably be blogging more as John does homework, which is good for YOU, the reader.  That is, assuming anyone cares, and I still have readers. wah wah. 

I am low on blogging ideas though.  So here's what we'll do.  YOU tell ME what you want me to blog about, ask me any question about anything, and I SWEAR that I will answer the questions in order of how they are asked.  That might make this blog a little funner....right?  woo hoo!  And since you know I'll answer ANYTHING, try to not get me in trouble around here, and don't ask me anything TO naughty or controversial. lol.  Let's do it!  It'll be fun!

Controversy

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
~ C.S. Lewis

I have been thinking about blogging about something for a while now, but have not.  It made me wonder what people would think of me.  I have thought about my audience, and how none of them would agree with me, and some might even like me less, but I have decided after reading that quote today, that I am going to blog about it.  Because it is after all, only my opinion.

I don't care if gay people get married.  (gasp!  shock!)  I just don't.  As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I fully realize that I am supposed to be against this, but I am not.  One of the big reasons that I have been taught to oppose this, is because it 'ruins the sanctity of marriage' or something like that.  But if you think about it, there are husbands beating, and even raping there wives all over the world RIGHT NOW.  I think that defies the sanctity of marriage even more than two same sexed people in a loving, respectful relationship.  And I don't care what OTHER marriages are doing.  All I care about is MY marriage.  MY marriage is sacred and MY marriage is eternal.  MY marriage is just what I want it to be.  Other marriages do not bring my marriage down.  

I could get into this issue SO MUCH more to share my opinion more deeply and get into detail about everything, but no matter what I say, people will try to debate me, and I'm not opening a debate.  I've been there, and done that and my beliefs haven't changed.  So this is my opinion that I am sharing.  Everyone has different beliefs, we should all have the right to be happy, despite our beliefs.

Mom on Meds

I have totally blogged in the past, about my post pardom depression I have suffered with Maya.  I was nursing, so the only anti-depressant I could take was Zoloft.  Zoloft took the edge off, but I still wasn't good.  When I finished nursing, I was like YEA!  Finally!  And I went straight to my Dr. to get some Celexa.  I took Celexa previously and it worked way good.  Anyway i didn't mean for this to turn into a big story about what meds camilla is taking.  I just wanted to let you know  that

THE CELEXA IS WORKING

The light has come on.  I know that for a lot of people talking about PPD and being on meds is totally taboo and people do it in secret.  But I have come to the  point where I feel comfortable talking about it and I think we all should.  Having babies MESSES STUFF UP and it's okay to take something to put it back where it should  be.

Let me tell you how I KNOW the Celexa is working:

1. I don't sleep like a teenager anymore.  Saturday is my sleep in day, (sunday is johns)  I can hardly take my sleep in day anymore. Since I'm not depressed, I can't sleep 12 hours straight and lay in bed like I have no will to live.

2.  I have actually gone to the grocery store at like 8 am before John goes to work so I can go w/out kids.  I used to judge you, Kelly Crowder, and be like how can you DO THAT?   how can you shop so early? but now i know!

3. My productivity has gone up like crazy.  On sunday, before my 1:30 church, i made homemade hummus AND wheat thins, AND did a craft with the kids to send to Grandma.

4. (this is a big one)  I don't take naps.  I used to need naps EVERY DAY without fail.  And I always thought I was my  thyroid problems, that I was tired from that.  But since i've been on these meds, I  habitually try a nap,but I just don't need it. (my kids love this)

There are many, many more things that I could  write about, explaining how much better I feel right now, but it might get to long, and I like short blog posts.

Unfortunately, it hasn't fixed everything.  I still HATE taking Lily shopping.  She is so picky and some things just aren't 'her style'.  Luckily, the girls have a patient dad, and I'm pretty sure that in the teenage years, he'll be doing the shopping with the kids.  I hate shopping so bad, and I just can't take it.

Anyway, some of you might think this post is weird, but for me, after having lots of depression for a long time, I'm feeling like I'm on cloud 9.

Not on the Over-Achiever List

Remember when my blog was new, and I blogged lots?  That was fun.

Today I am blogging about my experience at the library.  I took Izzy and Maya to the library for story time, but there wasn't story time so we just stayed and played.  I dropped them off at the kids spot and went over to the magazine section.  I ended up grabbing O Magazine because they only had People in Spanish.  Seriously?  Spanish?  Then I went back to my kids, plopped down and proceeded to read while they played.  But as I was reading, I noticed something...something that I thought was weird.  There were 4 other moms there with their kids, and they were PLAYING with them.  They were reading books and doing puzzles with their children.  Don't get me wrong, I totally play with my kids all the time.  The thing is, if I wanted to read books to my kids and do puzzles, I would just stay home.  I take them to the library to let them play with the new, fresh toys, so that I can get a break.  I was totally feeling like a bad mom being the only one in the kid section not playing with my kids.  The question is, did  I stop reading and go do puzzles with my kids?  Nope.  Cause they were happy being on their own.  And even though I felt like the other moms were judging me for enjoying my magazine (which they probably weren't), I know that I'm a good mom.  And reading O Magazine every once in a while while my kids play at the library makes me a BETTER mom.

(the one in the background reading all alone, that's me.  Bo-ya! lol)

Day..whatever, What is in your purse?

Okay peeps, this is going to get weird....

Diapers
wipes
pens
checkbook
cough drop
mayas immunization card
a mini dots box
a wipe from when lily got a bloody nose at target
goldfish
cell phone
keys to my car
LOTS of reciepts
wallet
keys to johns car

before i had kids, i didn't even carry a purse.  It's not for me, it's for my kids, so that i always have wipes and diapers on me for the unfortunate public poo-ing.

Sorry I haven't been blogging.  Been having a rough time.  I started the HCG diet which was a huge fail cause it made me feel sick and crappy.   And right now I'm on my 4th day of extreme nausea and buttox cleansing, and I don't know what's causing it.  (tmi)  Def not pg tho.

Day 24- Share a story about your past that you are ashamed of.

Most people aren't doing this one, because it's quite a personal question, but I am going to do it, and hope that you will be able to empathize with me, all you mothers out there.

We moved to Flagstaff after Izzy was born.  Like, RIGHT after.  Like we practically got KICKED out of our Cedar City house and was homeless for a while.  John lived in a hotel, and I lived with my mom for like 2 weeks, with my month old and my 2 year old.  NOT IDEAL.  It was stressful bad.  Izzy was my first experience with post pardom depression.  I SO lucked out with Lily, and didn't have it. 

So you take moving with a newborn, post pardom depression, packing, unpacking, and having no friends and no social outlets whatsoever, and you ARE going to crack. 

It was naptime, I was SO  TIRED and I'm sure depressed and feeling like I wanted to crawl into bed and die.  Izzy was sleeping like a good baby, for once.  Lily usually slept 2-3 hours at the time, but not this day, oh no.  She kept getting up and waking me up out of my almost sleep, which is the most frustrating thing in the world.  I eventually freaked out.  I picked her up by her shoulders and yelled at her in her face that she WAS going to sleep and that she's better not get up again or I'd spank her.   Something along those lines.  I just remember, holding her up to my face and yelling at her.  She was 2 years old.  Now that I look back I realize that my behavior when we moved was very selfish.  It never even occurred to me that SHE was adjusting to a new home, no friends AND a new baby.   I did nothing to make any transition easier for her.  I was having to hard of a time myself.  Luckily, it appeared that she adjusted to Izzy very well from all of my pre-birth preparation.

I know that it's 'okay' that I did this, as long as I realized that it was wrong, and never do it again.  Which I do.  I completely do.  I know that parents do worse, I know that I could've done worse in my state.  But the memory of holding my sweet little 2 year old up in the air to yell in her face will be something that will always haunt me forever. 

Day 23- What is something you crave.

This is NOT going to be a one object answer.

1. Ice Cream

 2. Indian Food

(now I want some indian food super bad.  Stupid blog.)

3. Attention/Love (it might sound depressing, but it's cause my husband works AND is in school, our marriage is great, I just never see him.

(I chose this picture so I could say...)

4. Speaking of Gerard Butler, I'm pretty sure he could count as a craving.  mmmmm.  raarrr.  (it's okay, John knows, he's okay with it)

5. Dang, now I really just want Indian Food. 

What about this?  Indian food WHILE cuddling John, watching a Gerard Butler movie and then ice cream for dessert!!  All cravings SOLVED!  It would be like a happy overload!

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else.

I asked John this question.  He thought for a minute, and then said, "you married a sexy beast".

Helpful.

Then I said, 'should I say I'm a really good dance?'  and he said, "but that's not true, so does that mean that I'm not sexy either?" Now he's worried what I'm typing about him.....

Okay, we've come up with one that we agree works.  I pluck my eyebrows in the car.  That's right.  I. AM. SO. DIFFERENT.  Most pluck in the bathroom, but nope, not me.  I drive to Lily's school, and sit there and wait.  While I'm waiting, I sit and pluck, and hope no one is watching.  And if they are...whateves, they're just jealous of my perfectly sculpted eyebrows.  For real, I have gotten compliments on my eyebrows. 

Day 21- A picture from your day.

Day 20- If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.

1.  Hands down my all time wish would be to be able to find a 3-4 bdrm house that is actually affordable in this stupid town of Flagstaff.  (3 kids + 2 bdrms= stress city, especially at night!)

2.  That John would be done with school, and be able to arrive home every day, without fail, at 5:15 pm.

3.  That I wouldn't have my thyroid problem.  This may seem like a waste of a wish to you, but if you read up on thyroid, it effects so much, weight, hormones, extreme fatigue and it is very difficult to live with.  I know there are worse diseases out there, but this one is the thorn in my side. 

I wanted to say for my #3 that my children would always have easy, struggle free lives.  But then I realized that easy lives aren't what creates character and faith.  I just hope that I can be there to help them through the 'character' shaping moments.

Day 19- Nicknames you have & how or why you have them.

Um...I don't really have any nicknames.  My father in law calls me Millie, cause he gives EVERYONE a nickname.  He even started calling my sister, Geralyn, Jerry after knowing her for like an hour probably. 

I AM called Camela, Camelia, Camille, and other annoying things that people  say because they don't know how to sound out words. 

Boring post.

The End.

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have.

I PLAN on going to bed early.

I DREAM about living in a house with more than 2 bedrooms (since I have 3 kids and all).

My GOAL is to open a B & B someday with my hubby.

I didn't feel like getting into that one, can you tell?  Let me tell you about why I am going to bed early.  I am having a rough day.  Or maybe a retarded day.  When I got home from picking Lily up from school, I pulled into the driveway and got out of the car.  The problem is that I didn't turn off the engine or put the car in park.  As soon as I got out the car started rolling.  It was one of those slow-mo things where you slowly turn your head and are like, "whaaaattt'ssss happpennninngg?"  Ya.  Awesome.  I jumped back in and stopped it, but not before I crashed into the fence a little.  Some of the slats on the fence are cracked, but I was able to push the fence back to make it look like it stand upright. I called John to tell him, so that I wouldn't have to tell him how retarded I am to his face.  But he was sweet and told me that he's done stuff like that before.

THEN when we were eating dinner, about halfway through, I knocked my plate to the ground.  And there goes my taco salad.  So I finished Izzy's, and then let the dogs in to eat mine.  They did a fantastic job of cleaning it up, so I got over being upset about it. 

But I'm still going to bed early.

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

I would want to switch lives with one of the many people who I  think are perfect and have an easy life.  The reason is simple: by switching lives with them, I would be able to see that there live ISN'T perfect, and that maybe it's even harder than mine.  It would be a good lesson to me to not judge books by there cover.

Day 16- Something you could live without.

I'm sitting her with Lily's head on my shoulder, as she is coming down from one of her sleepwalking fits that she won't remember anything about tomorrow.  I could live without THOSE.


These days, I desperately wish to live without these:

As you may or may not know (if you don't know, this must be your first time reading my blog), this has been a CRAPPY sick winter.  This winter alone, we have experienced:
1 Mono
2 Pneumonias (yes, you MUST capitalize these sicknesses, because they are a force to be respected)
1 stomach flu
3 Influenza Flus
1 ear infecction
Who KNOWS how many colds that keep us up coughing.
While I'm at it, I might as well throw in 4 baby teeth broken through (almost 5).

These have also added up to:
2 ER visits
3 InstaCare visits
Probably at least TEN Dr. visits

Being sick is super expensive.  For Real.  Especially Pneumonia.  Don't get it, if you do you'll wish you'd listened to me.

Everyone RELAX!

So, I'm totally going to be on a blogging roll yesterday and today.   I am sick, with a cold, so I'm sitting around playing on the computer.  I have like no immune system it appears.

Anyway, there is something that I was thinking about the other day that I thought might make a good blog post, so I'm going to blog about it, and you might not like it.

I totally realize, just as much as anyone, if not more, how important it is to make sure that we raise out kids right and guard them against the world.  With that said, I am going to talk about 2 acquaintances and  how they need to relax. We will just call these some of my pet peeves.

Pet Peeve #1:

While at a friends house for a 'play date', another girl was there that I didn't know.  Her daughter found a little plastic tea set and brought a cup to her mom.  She asked her if she wanted some tea.  As LDS, we are not supposed to drink caffeinated tea, so this upset the mother.  The mother was telling her, 'why don't we just have some hot chocolate?"  And her daughter kept saying 'Tea" and this was clearly upsetting the mother.  After the little girl went away, the mother said, "I don't know where she'd even get that, we don't drink tea".  I drink tea, and  I like it.  There is something called HERBAL tea, and it's okay to drink. It can even be good for you.  So if you're a Mormon, and  your kid wants to have a tea party with pretend tea, so WHAT.  Lighten up, not all tea is bad.  It's not like she was all, "mom do you want some beer?"  I strongly believe in choosing my battles, and this, my friends, is not battle worthy. 

Pet Peeve #2 (the biggest):

While babysitting some kids at my house, Izzy said the word, "butt".  And one of the kids I was babysitting proceeded to freak out.  "We'd don't say butt Izzy, It's a bad word!!".  Then she came over to me and told on Izzy.  And I told  her, "butt isn't a bad word, it's a body part."  And she said, "well, it is in MY house so you can't say that word when I'm over here!!".  Then I took deep breaths and felt really angry at her attitude, and at her mother for teaching her a body part is a bad word.  I am in complete agreement, that you shouldn't CALL someone a butt, but why can't you SAY it?  I think that to teach a child that a BODY PART is a bad word is really not good.  I'm going to go out on a limb and  say that if butt is a bad word, penis  and vagina are even worse.  In my opinion, teaching kids that butt and other private part words are bad words that you shouldn't say, is teaching them to be ashamed of there body. 

When Lily started school, she didn't know the private part words, she didn't know much about sex or anything like that.  And I realized that with her now in school, she'd either learn those things from me, or from her peers.  So one day something came up that led us into the conversation of what the real names for privates are, and that they are not just called 'privates'.  I explained to her that they are words that we don't joke about, because they are words we respect, because we respect our privates. 

I am proud that I can have open conversations with my children about this stuff.  If I told her that those were 'bad words' and not to say them, she would get the wrong message about them AND i feel like it would close off opportunity to have open conversations about them.

So that is all, probably no one will read through this whole thing, cause it's long, and there are no pictures.   I'm pretty sure the people I'm talking about don't read my blog, but if you do I'm sorry to offend.  Just realize that my opinions are different.  Feel free to blog about how horrible you think I am.

If anyone DID get all the way through this, let me know what you think!

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle & share the first 10 songs that play.

Let me go find the ipod and see if it's even charged...hooray you are in luck!

1. Fighter- Christina Agulera

2. Toxic- Britany Spears

I'm feeling like a loser that these are my first 2 songs

3. Red Red Wine- I don't know who sings it.

4. Push- Matchbox 20

5. Some  song by The Killers

6. Someone New- Heather Nova

7. Don't Lie- Black Eyed Peas

8. Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nrivana

9. You Outta Know - Alanis Morrisette

10. Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me- pussycat dolls

You should know that I haven't ever bought any music to put on  my ipod. (clearly)  John just has a ton of cd's w/mp3's on them so i went through those and got stuff off of them.  That's why it's all old school. lol.  The only time I use my ipod is when I run, so it's mostly fast stuff on there.  Whateves, I don't have to explain myself to YOU!  :)

The End

Day 14- A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions.

1. I think that pigtails on adult women look really dumb.

2. Sometimes I really love Keeping up with the Kardashians.

3. I sub-consciously believe that if no one sees me eating it, the calories don't count.

4. I think people should mind there own damn business about the number of kids a person wants to have. (sore spot, can you tell?)

5. Sometimes i get REALLY sick of having girls, the pink, the drama, the talking. 

6. I have a crush on Eugine/Flynn Rider on Tangled. 

7. Sometimes, I think that babies are ugly, even my FRIENDS babies, but I would never say anything.  (if you're reading this, I don't mean YOUR baby, but someone elses.  Your baby is cute.)

8.  I have gotten into the habit of letting Izzy watch too much TV when Lily is gone at school.

9.  Last time I made brownies, I ate half the pan in the same night (hour).  I didn't even feel bad about it, until John judged me for it.

10. I LOVE throwing things away.  When I clean, I really purge.  John doesn't like it when I throw stuff away, so I do that when he's at work.  Once I threw a way a HUGE HUUUGE stack of his homework assignments that he didn't want to throw out because????  (packrat)  And he NEVER noticed. 

Day 13- Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them.

I am cheating today and doing 2 since I don't have any kids around momentarily.

This one seems rather personal, since you are putting it online for anyone to see, even the person you are writing the letter to.  Therefore, I think that it is quite dumb.  But I will do it anyway.

Dear Dad,

When you raised us in the church to believe in Eternal families, and then left the church, therefore leaving our Eternal family, it felt like I was being betrayed.  It still hurts.

Love,
Your daughter

Day 12- A picture of your room & don’t cheat by cleaning it. Share a secret.

 Izzy's bed by our bed.  The girls take turns sleeping in it so that they can get a good nights rest every other night cause Maya is in there room, and she cries.  Did I mention we have 5 people in our fam, and only TWO bedrooms?

 Our bedroom is so small, I can't take a pic of the whole room w/just one pic.  yeaaaa.

The bedroom is also kind of a one way street, so packed full of necessities, there is only room for one person to walk the perimeter at a time. 

Why do I have to share a secret?  Hmmmm.  It had better be juicy since my bedroom pics are so lame.  I don't think I HAVE any secrets, especially juicy ones.  Sorry peeps, I've got NOTHING.  I've been sitting here for a while thinking, and nothing. 

How about, when I was little, my and my friend would pee in the corner of the racket ball courts because if we went to my house to use the bathroom, my mom would make me stay home.  Juicy enough for you?  lol. 

the end.

Day 11-A picture of something you dislike.

I was actually going to do this yesterday, but I really couldn't think of anything original that I disliked at that time.  Sure, everyone dislikes messy houses, crying babies, tantrums...skinny girls.  But what was something I disliked that made me different than everyone else?  I went to bed feeling baffled.  When I woke up this morning, the kids were watching cartoons.....

Problem Solved.

Day 10- A story about a past relationship.

Ugh. 



I've had lots of relationships, but can't think of any good stories. 

Once I had a boyfriend cheat on me, once I cheated on a boyfriend (what? it's high school, big deal), and once I sent a missionary away and Dear Johned him, WITH a John.  I never promised I'd wait though, that's silly.

Day 09- Something/someone you’re proud of.

I am very proud of my happy little family.  When I'm in town, I always get comments about how well behaved they are, and how beautiful they are.  They are fabulous little girls who love to help and make us proud of them.  I don't feel like we are exceptional parents in anyway, we just lucked out and got exceptional kids.

The End
(One thing you will learn about me, is that I am not long winded)

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why.

This is the perfect one for today since it's the first of a month!

Stop nursing.  Maya turned 1 on March 9th.  (didn't blog about it, cause I was dying)  When I am done nursing, I am planning on doing the HCG diet.  After Izzy, I could run up to 4 miles a day, and lose nothing.  It took me A YEAR to lost TEN LBS.  Not cool.  So this time around I have no working out motivation, so I haven't really gotten back into it.  I feel like if I can just LOSE the weight, I totally live a lifestyle to where I can KEEP it off. 

Start up with hobbies again.  That whole post about what your hobbies are really left me feeling very bad about myself.  I really don't have any hobbies or anything for ME that I'm involved in right now, and that has to change!



That's about it that I can think of right now.  I am still on orders from my doctor to take it easy.  Did you know it takes like 6 WEEKS to recover from pneumonia.  It's been 3, and I am still exhausted.  Lame.

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

My John.  Of course, lots of people would say DUH, when I put pictures of my husband, but let me explain.  In a lot of ways, John has HEALED me.  We are so perfect for each other.  I came into our marriage with a lot of issues from having a...rough childhood.  He spent so many many late nights with me up crying trying to work through them, and trying to change.  He has helped me grow in so many ways.  Now that I am 'grown' I have other chemical imbalances that make it hard to be married to me.  Sometimes my thyroid makes my hormones crazy, and I have problems with depression.  He's always there for me.  Whether it's to cuddle me and calm me, or give me a blessing, or even to just close the door and leave me alone, he's there.  I admire him so much because he ALWAYS sees the bright side of things, and he is always so positive.  I have told him that most men would've left me by now because I can be so difficult.  But he hasn't,  because Heavenly Father gave me my problems, and then he made John for me to help me with them.  He is so awesome, and I love him lots.

Day 06- A hobby you have.

I am feeling so lame.  I am thinking of OLD hobbies, but I feel like I don't do anything anymore...wah wah.  I used to do this:

And this:

 

Now that I think about it, I do this:

I have become a bread baking fool, and I love it.  Good, homemade bread is so rewarding and satisfying. Wow, that makes  me sound weird.

Now that I've created this post, I feel lazy.  3 kids have totally done me in.  PLUS with my thyroid issues, I pretty much always feel so tired and lazy.  It's really lame.  I am so far off the wagon.  I'd like to get back on the wagon, but I think I need to build a new one first, that's how far off I am . wah wah.

I'll wait and get back on though when I'm pneumonia recovered.  I had 2 'normal' days in a row and my chest and ribs are hurting again, and I'm starting to cough stuff up again.  It's almost like I'm MEANT to feel like crap all the time.  wah wah.

(sorry, I think yesterdays post and todays posts both seem totally negative. I'm not feeling negative, just tired.  Maybe I should become a morning blogger.)

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Catalina Island.  We went there on our honeymoon.  It was wonderful and fabulous and I want to go back.  I think it would be funner now.  When we got married I was young (19), so I got a little homesick (silly, I know).  So I think it would be much funner now.  Plus, we love each other more now than we did then (TEN YEARS AGO!).  And we need the break even worse!  (do I use parenthesis alot?)

Day 04- List 15 songs that represent your life’s soundtrack.

Honestly, who can think of 15 songs off of the top of their head that represent there life?  I think this one is totally dumb.  But anyway, I will try a little...

1. ......

Nope, I'm already done, I'm super tired (yes, at 8:45) and I just can't pull songs out of the top of my head like that right now...or ever probably. 

Anyway, today was my most active day since having pneumonia, and it was HARD.  I was getting out of breath so easily, and then being out of breath was making me have chest pains, and it was super lame.  I guess I'm not fully recovered.  wah wahhhhh. 

Maybe sometimes (like right now), I shouldn't blog, cause I'm tired and boring.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ



Okay, sorry.  Here's something funny, so you'll want to come back:
(sorry it's all little, maybe if you click on it??)

Day 03- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.

Oh boy, which one to pick, which one to pick......


I pick hang nails SO bad.  I pick them so bad they get all bloody and hurt so bad, but I just can't stop.  And John hates it to and totally gets mad at me. 
I have a lot more habits than that that are bad though, trust me!

Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

 (John and I at the Stake Valentines Day Luau)

I honestly don't know if there are 15 interesting things about me, but I'll try!

1. I love to bake bread.  This week, I have been baking 1 loaf a day out of my Bread Bible cookbook, and giving them away to the people who brought us meals when I was sick.

2. I have a very under active thyroid, and that's why I'm fat. (not interesting, just stupid)

3. I want lots of kids, like 6, and people are constantly judging me for wanting that many, and it makes me super mad.

4. My heart lives in Cedar City, Ut, even though I haven't lived there for 4 years.

5. I love to quilt....although it's been a while.

6. When John and I grow up, we dream of opening a bed and breakfast together.  Preferably one in Cedar City.

7. My 5 person family lives in a 2 bdrm duplex. And I don't find it fun.

8. I own a piano, but can hardly play it.  To everything a season....

This is hard....

9. I love to co sleep with my little ones AND nurse them until they are a year.  And people think I'm weird for both of these.

10. I think that scrapbooking is a super lame waste of time.

11. I couldn't cross my eyes until I was 24.

12. I love to do yard work, it makes me happy because it makes something look nicer AND it leaves me feeling exercised.  In Cedar City, I mowed the yard at 9 months pregnant, and people were all, 'ohhh you shouldn't do that."  If I only had a yard right now...

13. I can't draw.  My 5 year old can draw better than me.

14. I am a picker. I LOVE to pick at stuff, (hangnails, stickers, zits (tim) etc..)  and it drives John crazy.

15. I LOVE to watch movies.

30-Day Challenge!

So I just found this on my friends blog, and I'm totally going to try and do it...starting tomorrow. heh.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.

Day 03- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.

Day 04- List 15 songs that represent your life’s soundtrack.

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.

Day 06- A hobby you have.

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why.

Day 09- Something/someone you’re proud of.

Day 10- A story about a past relationship.

Day 11- A picture of something you dislike.

Day 12- A picture of your room & don’t cheat by cleaning it. Share a secret.

Day 13- Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them.

Day 14- A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions.

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle & share the first 10 songs that play.

Day 16- Something you could live without.

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have.

Day 19- Nicknames you have & how or why you have them.

Day 20- If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.

Day 21- Share a picture from your day.

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else.

Day 23- What is something you crave.

Day 24- Share a story about your past that you are ashamed of.

Day 25- What I would find in your bag.

Day 26- Places you want to visit before you die.

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned.

Day 30- A picture of you today & 20 goals you want to accomplish.

My Lily

I am SO thankful for my sweet little Lily right now.  Let me back up at tell you why.

Last night, at 4 am, John gets out of bed, John NEVER gets out of bed in the middle of the night.  So, I lay there and wait for it.  He pukes.  He comes back to bed and I say something to him about him being sick, and I am SURE there were curse words.  I couldn't really sleep the rest of the night, he kept getting up to puke.  But mostly, I couldn't sleep because I was SO upset that we had a new bug in our house, and that the caretaker was sick.

After Maya got up at 7 or so, I nursed her, and took her into the girls who were watching cartoons.  I told them that I was still sick, and that John was up all night puking  and I was going back to bed for a while.  Fast forward to 10 am with Maya crying and knocking on our door.  I feed her and put her down again and go out.  Lily happily reports that she got everyone breakfast, bagels and cereal.  She put Maya in her high chair, cleaned her up, got her down.  Then she said, 'doesn't the kitchen look exactly the same as it did last night?"  (The kitchen is NOT in good shape, but that's besides the point).  She had put there bowls in the sink and cleaned up everything, and she was so proud.  Then lunchtime rolled around, and I got really nauseated, I profusely apologized to Lily, but I had to go lay down in bed until it passsed.  (nausea is common for me right now).  I asked her if she wanted me to help her make lunch before I went to bed, and she said, 'that's okay mom, I've got it".  She insisted she was sure.  When I went to bed, John was awake and saying he was feeling well enough to take over again.  I layed in bed and told him about his wonderful Lily.  It made me have tears, because she is so fabulous.  She will be 6 in June, only 6, but she is so wonderful, big and responsible.  She has helped us SO much in these weeks that I've been sick, it's so overwhelming.  And the thing is, she likes to do it.  She likes to help.  When I went back to bed, Izzy was arguing with her about something, I told her that Lily was in charge right now, and that it was like Lily was the mom.  And I know that I can say that, even with her at 5, and know that she won't abuse the power and be bossy to her sister.  She is just so amazing and wonderful, there are no words.

In other news, I'm not really a 'luggie hocker' if you will.  I have a huge aversion to it. I know that it's super gross to just cough it up and swallow it down....grosser than hocking them up even.  But I just can't do it.  Today I accidentaly coughed one up, and it was bloody.  So I've been coughing them up, and they are all bloody.  It's not like I'm coughing up just blood...it's bloody mucas.  So anyway, that worries me.  Even though it could have been going on for a week, and I just didn't know it, it is still worrysome.  I looked on google, and that can be a symptom of pneumonia, but still.  I have a check up w/my grouchy pants insta care dr tomorrow, we'll see what she says.  I just hope it's usual pneumonia symptoms and she's like, no biggie, and sends me home.  I've had it with being sick and i've had it with hospitals.

I would like everyone to do me a favor.  Tomorrow, when you are at your worst part of the day, doing something you hate, like cleaning the kitchen or folding laundry or scrubbing the toilet for the millionth time, think of me, and just be glad you can do it.  I'm not trying to be dramatic, but my house is a pit, and I'd be so thankful if I could feel well enough to clean it right now.

Disclaimer:  I took my percocet (to help me not cough) an hour ago planning on going to bed.  Anything that doesn't make sense in this entry is a product of that.

My story of Sick

Oh my gosh, I said i was sick before, but now that I have pneumonia, I am so much sicker than I was before.  On Monday,Maya's dr. sent us to the Er with her, because she wasn't wetting any diapers and she was so fussy.  She wanted to admit her in the pediatric unit, but they were very full.  So we got to go to the ER with her.  She got an IV (kept it in an hour until she ripped it out and blood was pouring everywhere), she also got a chest x/ray revealing that she has pneumonia.  We were only at the ER  about 6 hours and then they sent us home. 

On TUESDAY, started feeling sick again.  After I tucked the kids into bed, I developed a fever.  My fever rose very rapidly and no meds would get it to go down.  At about 10:00 John decided that he'd had enough.  (I probably layed  on the couch uncontrollably crying for like 2 hours at this point.)  He called someone (THANK YOU JAXON!) To come over to take me to the ER.  I really didn't want to go, but I'm glad he made me.  They gave me motrin and an IV, but the motrin didn't bring my fever down, so they ended up giving me percoset to bring my fever down.  That's one heavy fever.  We came home at 4 am.  Despite my complaints of chest pain, they didn't take x-rays or anything.

On WEDNESDAY my chest started hurting and I couldn't stop coughing stuff up.  So at 5pm, we went to InstaCare.  The dr. was super rude and was all, 'if you were in the er last night, than why are you here tonight"  um....cause i'm worse.  My right ribs and back were hurting so bad.  So they did an x-ray.  And It was + for pneumonia.  So they gave me an antibiotics shot and prescription.  They also gave me a percoset RX so that I could sleep at night and not have my rib pain. 

Since Tues night, I haven't been able to be vertical at all, (until this moment) or else I get super nauseous with chills.  I have also been having violent chills and then sweats due to my fever. 

The Dr. told me I should try to nurse Maya as little as possible for my own good, because nursing is really hard on your body, and i am having a horrible time trying to stay hydrated.  I totally agree with her.  Except that Maya is still not really wetting any diapers, even after getting 6 oz of IV.  So I am fighting to keep TWO people hydrated, which I feel has been totally unsuccessful

Right now the fam is at Lily's Kindergarten play, which makes me heartbroken that I have to miss.  Lily is sad about it to, but what do you do?

I just might be sicker than I've ever been in my entire life.

I may die.

Something funny, and then something not...

This joke is SO my husband:

Don’t ask a computer programmer to go shopping

A wife asks her husband, a computer programmer; “Could you please go to the store for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!”
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, “Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”
He replied, “They had eggs.”

He is like that so bad, and it drives me INSANE!

In other news, the 'respiratory flu', has turned into the stomach flu today.  So apparently, I AM going to die.

Special shout out to HEIDI who brought a lasagna, which is currently cooking for the fam.

I only died a leeetle.

Oh man, people.  OHHHHH MAANNN.  I do not even REMEMBER the last time I was as sick as this past week.  It was so brutal.  Now I totally understand the whole 'flu shot' thing.  Before I was like, "what? you get sick, and then you get better, who needs a shot?"  Now I'm like, I need that damn shot and I need it now!  (I swore, what?  I was SICK)  The sad part is that I am still totally not better.  I still feel like crap, BUT I can get off the couch, so that is total progress.  Does anyone else feel like when they nurse it takes FOREVER to get better?  I do.  And I hate it.  I'm sick and my body is like nooooooo and wanting to shut down and not eat.  And then my boobs are all foooooooood.  And in case you didn't know this about me, boobs ALWAYS win.  So it was a miserable experience and I STILL can't get full now that my supply is dwindling.

On Monday I was forced to can the strawberry jam before the strawberries got older.  Luckily, my awesome husband totally helped and we canned 45 half pints of strawberry jam, and it's good!

My house is basically the pit of despair.  Like, for real.  For some reason, when the husband stays home because mom is sick, they think it's just to make sure the kids don't die or something.  Not to clean, not to cook, oh no.  I really shouldn't say that, esp if he were to find out...I'd be busted.  He DID do some stuff, but I guess he's not super human the way moms are.  My estimate is that the house will continue to be the pit of despair for the rest of the week, because I totally still feel like crap.  oh, and because now Maya's got the fever.  She is a sad pile.

I am planning on commencing the whole usual blogging thing again.  It just so happened i haven't had a sense of humor in a week.

Flu of Death

Oh man.  I am SICK.  All day today I sleep for 2 hours, then get up for 45 min, then sleep for 2.....  It's been rough.  Then this afternoon, I sat on the couch fighting waves of nausea accompinied by cold sweats.  It has been horrible.  Mom's shouldn't get sick.

Today we got 16 lbs of strawberries from co-op, which I was going to turn into jam and can, now I have that waiting for me.  And tomorrow John and I are supposed to start teaching our Marriage and Family Relations sunday school class, and Tuesday is Enrichment, where I have to decorate 3 tables and make Chilie's ck ench soup for 70.  So as you see, I just can't be sick.  I reallly hope I'm better in time for Enrichment on tues. 

That is MY update, hopefully I'll be back from the dead soon.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Road Trippin' (Video)

John just introduced this song to me, I listened to it like 4 times while I blogged the post below. I like it, it's chill.
Ps: I have NOT watched the video, cause I was blogging, so if there is anything inappropriate, don't harsh on my gig mon. BUT it doesn't seem like a song that would cause inappropriateness, so listen. (I can be bossy, it's MY blog.)

3 things that aren't related...

Here's a fun story:  (re-told after being told by John)

Last night, while I was taking a shower Lily had a bad dream. She came out of her room and went into the living room, just crying and crying.  She told her dad that she'd had a very bad dream.  He tried to console her, which took a long time.  When she was finally calm, he asked her what her dream was about.  She told him, " I could get the scissors to open, but not to close!" 

Isn't THAT just HORRIBLE??  Poor, sweet, Lily.

When I told her this morning about it, she didn't remember, and started laughing.  Then she said, "but how could I cut?"  And I said, that's probably why it was a bad dream, you couldn't.  Then she laughed some more. 

In other news, I'm totally sick.  A cold or a flu or something dumb.  I have aches and a cough of doom.  A productive cough as well..what...tmi?  Mom's shouldn't be allowed to have coughs and sore throats, cause the kids won't stop talking or asking questions even though I'm coughing and trying to just be left alone.  I kind of don't mind being sick when I have a good book.  And right now I have a library book.  So it's like, dang, I'm sick, I guess I'd better lay on the couch and read while you guys play. 

I have girl scout cookies, and I'm not afraid to use them.  (Just ate 3 samoas and 3 thin mints...whaaaaaat?)

Shoveling Snow

Today I had more energy than I've had in a long time.   Probably a result of doubling the anti-depressants (thank you anti-depressants).  So I cleaned.  I went crazy in the bedrooms, and now they look pretty dang good.  As I was cleaning, I was thinking of a time when my visiting teachers came over.  I love my visiting teachers SO much, and I know that they love me.  On this particular day, I was feeling overwhelmed, so I didn't clean, at all.  And when they came over I gestured to the house and said, "I didn't clean".  And one of them said, "cleaning house while raising kids is like shoveling snow while it's snowing."  I have heard this saying before, but I didn't really take it to heart for MY family, until it was said to me with love, by someone who understands.  Then they went on to say, "if you're house was clean, I'd be worried about your kids".  "When your house is dirty I can see that you've been doing puzzles, and dressing up, and reading books, it's proof that you are a good mom."  It IS important to clean, obviously, you can't just drop everything all the time and play.  But for some reason, hearing it from the ladies that I respect and love made it finally soak in.  Shoveling snow while it's snowing is kind of like doing damage control, keeping the snow levels down, just in case you need to go somewhere.  Cleaning while raising kids is just for sanitary control.  If you clean enough so that you don't find bugs living in your stuff, you're good.  (but really I AM cleaner than THAT, I'm just sayin, be kind to yourself.)

PS:  I try to blog everyday (although my life clearly isn't very interesting).   But lately John has been doing his homework after I go to bed, so if you come on a night that I haven't blogged, just be happy for me!  I was getting attention from John.

Right now, Flagstaff looks like this:

and I am SO lovin it.  

I LOVE snow so much.  I love it because it's silent.  It's a silent storm that comes and covers up all the imperfections.  It covers up the dog poop that hasn't been shoveled, the recycling that is in the front yard that wouldn't fit, everything.  It makes everything pretty.  I feel like snow has a calming effect, which is SO what I need this week.

Today has been a most excellent day.  John woke me up at 10 with breakfast in bed:  pancakes, strawberries, toast, a hard boiled egg, and fresh squeezed oj with a touch of grapefruit.  Yes, that was a lot of food, but I ate just about all of it so he'd be happy.  Now John and lily and izzy are at a birthday party at Peter Piper Pizza.  And Maya is SUPPOSED to be napping, but she's jabbering and slightly fussing.  But the almost quiet is nice.  For tonight's dinner, I'm making Olive Garden's Chicken and Gnocci soup, and homemade bread out of my new Bread Bible cookbook, made with my sweet kitchen aid.  Oh, AND I just ate some hummus on some homemade wheat thins that I made yesterday.  The past two days I have been experiencing only minimal anxiety.

The only way this day could get better, is if I brushed my teeth.

A change of tides...meaning hormones...meaning the crazies. Part II

This picture SO doesn't do my crazy lady feeling justice, but we'll go with it anyhow.  Just know it's the picture times 10. No lie.

This week, I have been experiencing MONDO anxiety.  It has been real crappy for me, let me tell ya.  I thought that it was probably just the whole hormone changing thing because I'm getting close to ovulation time again, so I was just going to try and ride it out.  But I have decided against riding it out.  All day yesterday I was just in a panic inside all day.  A panic over...nothing.  I just felt so anxious and horrible all day.  To solve the solution I went to bed early.  That was a no go.  I woke up about 3 am or so and there it was again...panic attack.  I got out of bed and checked my e-mail and did all kinds of 'computer things' to try and take my mind off of it.  Then I decided to take a hot relaxing shower.  THEN I decided the best thing to do was read my scriptures.  It was very hard to get my brain to slow down long enough to process the words on the page, but eventually, it worked.  I was back in bed at 5 am.  Then I got up with Maya at 6 am, and the alarm went off at 7.  John stayed home until after lunch today.  He doesn't understand what I'm going through, but he supports me in my crazy.  I honestly don't know why anyone would want to be married to me at this point.  Anyway, John has made a crazy lady appointment for me at 4pm tomorrow.  I guess they'll probably up my Zoloft. 
Speaking of Zoloft, I am on Zoloft, Cytomel, and Lithothyroxine.  Those last two are for my stupid low thyroid that keeps me fat no matter what I do.  Being on 3 prescription meds. at age 29 makes me feel like a HUGE failure in life, but I don't know what to do.  I feel like I have no choice.  If my thyroid is too low, I'm not fertile, and not being on anti-depressants could have severe consequences as well.  Go me!

Let me try and lighten the mood here with a story about my kids...cause kids are great!  Tonight during dinner Lily and Izzy were totally fighting (nothing new).  And I said, "do you guys want me to start singing?"  Aka singing a church song aka love at home or something obnoxious like that.  And Izzy goes, "mom, that would just make me start dancing!"  And then I was thankful for sweet kids that make me laugh. 

Disclaimer:  Not that I think Love at Home is an obnoxious song, just that it's obnoxious when parents sing it to there fighting kids.

Small Moments

Today I thought I'd write about a favorite moment of my day.  But then I had two moments that seemed memorable, so I'll start with the one that you will want to wipe from your memory. 

My strangest moment of the day was when I put the pizza in the oven, set the timer for 12 minutes, and then ran to the shower hoping I'd be done before the pizza burnt.  (I guess I take long showers)  When I got out, the timer had gone off, so you guessed it, I took the pizza out of the oven naked.  And I suppose I should add that there were some slightly opened shades, but whateves.  When choosing between pizza and modesty, pizza so wins. (I would like to request that if this gives you a mental image, that you picture my naked body that of Pamela Anderson, or someone else with 0% body fat.)

My funnest moment of the day was spent on the couch with JUST Maya while Izzy played Starfall.com on the computer.  Maya had gotten a hold of my cell phone, and she wasn't about to let me take it.  So I decided that I would make it funner for her to play with it and I went and got the home phone and called the cell over and over for like 10 minutes.  The first time the cell rang, she looked at it and quickly set it down next to her.  A smart mom would have seen that as an opportunity to take the phone.  But I am not that mother.  I gave it back to her and told her it was okay.  So then every time my phone would ring, she'd dance by shaking her head back and forth, which is, by the way, adorable.  It was a fun 10 minutes.  I love to watch my sweet little one play.  I love to see something so small and young with such a big personality.  She is totally turning into a little girl and seeming less and less like a baby.  I don't know why time goes by so fast, but it is sad!

A change of tides...meaning hormones...meaning the crazies.

Happy Valentines Day!  Today is Valentines Day, which means that I could write a post with pictures just like everyone else does on this day about how much they just looooove their husband.  But I am going to assume that you all know that I totally love my husband, because I'm still married to him.  Now that THAT is cleared up...moving on.

What I really want to talk about today is hormones, because mine have been the boss lately.  This may be one of those TMI, honest posts, so if you don't like that kind of stuff, go.  Go now. 

My sweet baby is 11 months old right now.  And I have been nursing her for 11 months.  Because of this, I haven't had  a period since MAY of 2009.  (can I get a what what!)  But I think it's coming soon.  I start weaning the whole nursing process at 12 months, and usually around that time, ovulation kicks back in.  Anyway.  I've been having a REALLY hard time lately.  I even had John give me a Priesthood blessing on Saturday night because the crazies had taken control of my mind and I thought I was going to have to be hospitalized.  Kidding, but really...am I?  I've been totally having panic attacks and feel like I just haven't been in control of my mind for a few weeks which is suuuuupppeerrr lame.  And I'm totally on anti-depressants already for post pardom depression, so what's a girl to do? 

My solution that I'm hoping will work is to just change!  Change my life, and gain control.  I have realized lately that I have made 'rules' in my life that I just have to follow.  There are no reasons for these rules, and it's super dumb.  So I am deciding to break these rules and just do what I want!

One of the dumb rules/beliefs about myself that I am changing:

I am an all or nothing kind of  girl. 
I have totally said that.  Meaning, I go to the gym every day for the 2 hours I get in daycare, or I don't go at all.  I have had a really hard time with this rule since having #3.  It's HARD to keep up with everything and still spend 2 hours a the gym working out and showering and all that stuff.  So today, I went.  I dropped the kids off a little before my class, read my book for 20 minutes, did my 45 min yoga class and left.  It was OKAY that I didn't fill the two hours.  Why have I made this rule for myself? My new rule will be just to do my best.  I will do my best to be healthy and in shape, but I don't have to do it everyday.

there are other 'all or nothings' that I am planning on confronting.  Including my scripture study and my house cleaning, among other things.

I am trying to give myself freedom.  The freedom to change.  The freedom to break through from what I am to be who I want to be.   I have noticed lately that I am also incredibly self conscious as well, and I hate it real bad. 

I am taking this hormonal upheaval and rolling with it.  I am using it as an opportunity to change.  For me, this Valentines Day isn't about loving my spouse, because I can do that everyday.  This year, it's about loving me, and I will work on it until I CAN do that everyday.

Happy Friday!

Today I am going to tell you some funny stories about my Izzy that have happened this week, because it has been a HARD day with her, starting at 5 am, and involving lots of crying.

The other day out of nowhere, Izzy asks me, "mom, will I grow boobs?" 

Once this week, when we were watching a movie, there was kissing, and I covered her eyes and said, "ewww!  kissing!".  And she cried and cried until I rewound it so that she could see the kissing.  (I'm in trouble)

Yesterday Lily came running in saying, "mom!  Izzy keeps hitting me.", to which I responded, "Izzy quit hitting your sister!".   Izzy said, "Mom, I'm  not hitting her, I'm just practicing my kung-fu."

I am tired.  The End.

The Couch is Calling...

This has been kind of a rough week.  I think that the flu slightly has a grip on me, but it's not as bad as the girls.  Let me break my week down for you:

Mon:  My birthday!  A good day, but a TIRED day.  I layed on the couch from 11-2 in a state of exhaustion, almost constantly sleeping.  Then I could BARELY keep my eyes open long enough to watch Castle.  I went to bed at 10.

Tues:  I honestly can't really remember what I did yesterday, I know that no cleaning was done, so let's just assume I was on the couch a lot.  And then I went to bed at 9.  Wah wah.

Wed:  Today I dragged myself out of bed at 7:30, after 10 1/2 hours of sleep.  Then I was back on the couch by 9:30ish, and didn't get up until 11:15.  Then I got hungry, and I thought to myself, 'make lunch, too hard'.  (can't even THINK in complete sentences.)  I had $5 in my purse, so we went and got some kids meals at Sonic, it is Wacky Wednesday after all ($1.99/kids meal).  I was back on the couch from 1-3.  And I GUEESSSS I'll be done napping for the day.  I don't really have any other symptoms other than sheer exhaustion and dizziness.  And for those of you who want to be funny and be all, 'oh, I bet you're pregnant', I say, impossible.  (I would say not funny, but I actually AM kind of feeling baby hungry)

But all of THAT info was boring.  So in OTHER news.....

This is a Valentine that Lily came home from school with on Monday.  Cameron made it for her.   John and I have both met Cameron, and frankly, he is a scary kid.  He's the kid who always goes into the principals office and if you tell him no, lily can't come to his house today.  He gets real angry about it real fast I feel uneasy around him.  Oh, and he's 5.  I told John we should keep the valentine, that way, when lily is 20 and we see him on the news we can show Lily the valentine, and tell him that she knew the guy.

I am also totally not a fan of little stinky boys sending valentines to my sweet little Lily-Pie.  But I know that this is going to be a problem for the rest of my life.  You see, she is absolutely gorgeous.  And I'm not just being biased.  People tell me all the time, and I believe them.  I'm not sure if I am going to be posting pics of my kids on this blog, I am kind of thinking blogs with pics of kids should be private...even though my other one isn't.  But I also haven't blogged on my other one in over a year...maybe 2??

Anyway, the point of putting up a picture of Lily's valentine is this:  Dear Cameron (and other stinky boys):  Don't send love notes home with my daughter, I will cut you.  ( a little to harsh??  whatevs)


Disclaimer:  If you didn't enjoy this post, please come back anyway, I'm sick.  I'm totally off my game. 

I will NOT be defeated!

In my mind, men with gray hair look like this: 


 

While WOMEN with gray hair look like this:

I don't know why, but that is what I picture in my mind when I think of gray hairs.  It's messed up.  Let me tell you about the discovery of my first gray hair.  It was May 2009.  The week we were painting our house and getting new carpet to be exact.  The kids were shipped off to Thatcher so we could have less chaos, in the chaos.  It was the day we were getting our carpet, so I couldn't be home.  I had fabulous plans, go to the gym to shower, then the chiropractor, then hit a few movies for the day.  It was my chance to enjoy my time without kids!  

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.  

I was on my way home from the gym, and I looked in the rear view mirror.  There it was, the hair that was glaring at me, insulting my age.  After seeing it, when my brain became rational again I thought to myself, "maybe it's paint.  Maybe it's just PART of my hair that's white."  And then I pulled it out.  But it wasn't paint.  So clearly, the next step was to save it, put it in a ziploc sandwich bag, and drive to John's work to show him the offensive hair to get some love and pity.  Except I forgot one detail, my husband is FIVE years older than me.  Although he doesn't look like George Clooney quite yet, he is on his way.  When I arrived at his office with my gray hair, the only reaction I got was a head shake and an eye roll.  And I'm PRETTY sure he reached for his phone, and I suspect he has Northern Arizona's Mental Health Hospital on speed dial.  So un-comforted and sad, I proceeded through my day watching Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and ...the one where Beyonce kicks Allie Larders butt at the movies.  All day, I kept remembering that I had a gray hair, and it made me feel sad inside.  

I'm quite positive that I still have that gray hair still bagged up in my purse.

The really sad part of this story is that I have found 3-4 more gray hairs since then.  I am SURE that someday I will get old enough that I will stop pulling them out.  But today my friends, is not that day.