Happy Valentines Day! Today is Valentines Day, which means that I could write a post with pictures just like everyone else does on this day about how much they just looooove their husband. But I am going to assume that you all know that I totally love my husband, because I'm still married to him. Now that THAT is cleared up...moving on.
What I really want to talk about today is hormones, because mine have been the boss lately. This may be one of those TMI, honest posts, so if you don't like that kind of stuff, go. Go now.
My sweet baby is 11 months old right now. And I have been nursing her for 11 months. Because of this, I haven't had a period since MAY of 2009. (can I get a what what!) But I think it's coming soon. I start weaning the whole nursing process at 12 months, and usually around that time, ovulation kicks back in. Anyway. I've been having a REALLY hard time lately. I even had John give me a Priesthood blessing on Saturday night because the crazies had taken control of my mind and I thought I was going to have to be hospitalized. Kidding, but really...am I? I've been totally having panic attacks and feel like I just haven't been in control of my mind for a few weeks which is suuuuupppeerrr lame. And I'm totally on anti-depressants already for post pardom depression, so what's a girl to do?
My solution that I'm hoping will work is to just change! Change my life, and gain control. I have realized lately that I have made 'rules' in my life that I just have to follow. There are no reasons for these rules, and it's super dumb. So I am deciding to break these rules and just do what I want!
One of the dumb rules/beliefs about myself that I am changing:
I am an all or nothing kind of girl.
I have totally said that. Meaning, I go to the gym every day for the 2 hours I get in daycare, or I don't go at all. I have had a really hard time with this rule since having #3. It's HARD to keep up with everything and still spend 2 hours a the gym working out and showering and all that stuff. So today, I went. I dropped the kids off a little before my class, read my book for 20 minutes, did my 45 min yoga class and left. It was OKAY that I didn't fill the two hours. Why have I made this rule for myself? My new rule will be just to do my best. I will do my best to be healthy and in shape, but I don't have to do it everyday.
there are other 'all or nothings' that I am planning on confronting. Including my scripture study and my house cleaning, among other things.
I am trying to give myself freedom. The freedom to change. The freedom to break through from what I am to be who I want to be. I have noticed lately that I am also incredibly self conscious as well, and I hate it real bad.
I am taking this hormonal upheaval and rolling with it. I am using it as an opportunity to change. For me, this Valentines Day isn't about loving my spouse, because I can do that everyday. This year, it's about loving me, and I will work on it until I CAN do that everyday.
Amen. A thousand times, amen. I'm right here with you, feeling much of the same things, and wanting much of the same things. {Hear us roar!}
ReplyDeleteI love it! And I really love that you still love your husband but don't have to do the post with pictures about him. Really, are people married to people or superheroes?
ReplyDeleteI also struggle with some of the same things and I appreciate your candor. I have to remind myself a la Flylady that housework done incorrectly still blesses my family, especially right now!
I too, am an all or nothing kind of girl. I also suffer from the crazies. Man we have problems! lol
ReplyDeleteI like your approach! Do it!
I love this post. I am there with you in hormonal crazy town and I hate how self conscious I have been. I constantly struggle with that. I over think everything.
ReplyDelete