Flu of Death

Oh man.  I am SICK.  All day today I sleep for 2 hours, then get up for 45 min, then sleep for 2.....  It's been rough.  Then this afternoon, I sat on the couch fighting waves of nausea accompinied by cold sweats.  It has been horrible.  Mom's shouldn't get sick.

Today we got 16 lbs of strawberries from co-op, which I was going to turn into jam and can, now I have that waiting for me.  And tomorrow John and I are supposed to start teaching our Marriage and Family Relations sunday school class, and Tuesday is Enrichment, where I have to decorate 3 tables and make Chilie's ck ench soup for 70.  So as you see, I just can't be sick.  I reallly hope I'm better in time for Enrichment on tues. 

That is MY update, hopefully I'll be back from the dead soon.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Road Trippin' (Video)

John just introduced this song to me, I listened to it like 4 times while I blogged the post below. I like it, it's chill.
Ps: I have NOT watched the video, cause I was blogging, so if there is anything inappropriate, don't harsh on my gig mon. BUT it doesn't seem like a song that would cause inappropriateness, so listen. (I can be bossy, it's MY blog.)

3 things that aren't related...

Here's a fun story:  (re-told after being told by John)

Last night, while I was taking a shower Lily had a bad dream. She came out of her room and went into the living room, just crying and crying.  She told her dad that she'd had a very bad dream.  He tried to console her, which took a long time.  When she was finally calm, he asked her what her dream was about.  She told him, " I could get the scissors to open, but not to close!" 

Isn't THAT just HORRIBLE??  Poor, sweet, Lily.

When I told her this morning about it, she didn't remember, and started laughing.  Then she said, "but how could I cut?"  And I said, that's probably why it was a bad dream, you couldn't.  Then she laughed some more. 

In other news, I'm totally sick.  A cold or a flu or something dumb.  I have aches and a cough of doom.  A productive cough as well..what...tmi?  Mom's shouldn't be allowed to have coughs and sore throats, cause the kids won't stop talking or asking questions even though I'm coughing and trying to just be left alone.  I kind of don't mind being sick when I have a good book.  And right now I have a library book.  So it's like, dang, I'm sick, I guess I'd better lay on the couch and read while you guys play. 

I have girl scout cookies, and I'm not afraid to use them.  (Just ate 3 samoas and 3 thin mints...whaaaaaat?)

Shoveling Snow

Today I had more energy than I've had in a long time.   Probably a result of doubling the anti-depressants (thank you anti-depressants).  So I cleaned.  I went crazy in the bedrooms, and now they look pretty dang good.  As I was cleaning, I was thinking of a time when my visiting teachers came over.  I love my visiting teachers SO much, and I know that they love me.  On this particular day, I was feeling overwhelmed, so I didn't clean, at all.  And when they came over I gestured to the house and said, "I didn't clean".  And one of them said, "cleaning house while raising kids is like shoveling snow while it's snowing."  I have heard this saying before, but I didn't really take it to heart for MY family, until it was said to me with love, by someone who understands.  Then they went on to say, "if you're house was clean, I'd be worried about your kids".  "When your house is dirty I can see that you've been doing puzzles, and dressing up, and reading books, it's proof that you are a good mom."  It IS important to clean, obviously, you can't just drop everything all the time and play.  But for some reason, hearing it from the ladies that I respect and love made it finally soak in.  Shoveling snow while it's snowing is kind of like doing damage control, keeping the snow levels down, just in case you need to go somewhere.  Cleaning while raising kids is just for sanitary control.  If you clean enough so that you don't find bugs living in your stuff, you're good.  (but really I AM cleaner than THAT, I'm just sayin, be kind to yourself.)

PS:  I try to blog everyday (although my life clearly isn't very interesting).   But lately John has been doing his homework after I go to bed, so if you come on a night that I haven't blogged, just be happy for me!  I was getting attention from John.

Right now, Flagstaff looks like this:

and I am SO lovin it.  

I LOVE snow so much.  I love it because it's silent.  It's a silent storm that comes and covers up all the imperfections.  It covers up the dog poop that hasn't been shoveled, the recycling that is in the front yard that wouldn't fit, everything.  It makes everything pretty.  I feel like snow has a calming effect, which is SO what I need this week.

Today has been a most excellent day.  John woke me up at 10 with breakfast in bed:  pancakes, strawberries, toast, a hard boiled egg, and fresh squeezed oj with a touch of grapefruit.  Yes, that was a lot of food, but I ate just about all of it so he'd be happy.  Now John and lily and izzy are at a birthday party at Peter Piper Pizza.  And Maya is SUPPOSED to be napping, but she's jabbering and slightly fussing.  But the almost quiet is nice.  For tonight's dinner, I'm making Olive Garden's Chicken and Gnocci soup, and homemade bread out of my new Bread Bible cookbook, made with my sweet kitchen aid.  Oh, AND I just ate some hummus on some homemade wheat thins that I made yesterday.  The past two days I have been experiencing only minimal anxiety.

The only way this day could get better, is if I brushed my teeth.

A change of tides...meaning hormones...meaning the crazies. Part II

This picture SO doesn't do my crazy lady feeling justice, but we'll go with it anyhow.  Just know it's the picture times 10. No lie.

This week, I have been experiencing MONDO anxiety.  It has been real crappy for me, let me tell ya.  I thought that it was probably just the whole hormone changing thing because I'm getting close to ovulation time again, so I was just going to try and ride it out.  But I have decided against riding it out.  All day yesterday I was just in a panic inside all day.  A panic over...nothing.  I just felt so anxious and horrible all day.  To solve the solution I went to bed early.  That was a no go.  I woke up about 3 am or so and there it was again...panic attack.  I got out of bed and checked my e-mail and did all kinds of 'computer things' to try and take my mind off of it.  Then I decided to take a hot relaxing shower.  THEN I decided the best thing to do was read my scriptures.  It was very hard to get my brain to slow down long enough to process the words on the page, but eventually, it worked.  I was back in bed at 5 am.  Then I got up with Maya at 6 am, and the alarm went off at 7.  John stayed home until after lunch today.  He doesn't understand what I'm going through, but he supports me in my crazy.  I honestly don't know why anyone would want to be married to me at this point.  Anyway, John has made a crazy lady appointment for me at 4pm tomorrow.  I guess they'll probably up my Zoloft. 
Speaking of Zoloft, I am on Zoloft, Cytomel, and Lithothyroxine.  Those last two are for my stupid low thyroid that keeps me fat no matter what I do.  Being on 3 prescription meds. at age 29 makes me feel like a HUGE failure in life, but I don't know what to do.  I feel like I have no choice.  If my thyroid is too low, I'm not fertile, and not being on anti-depressants could have severe consequences as well.  Go me!

Let me try and lighten the mood here with a story about my kids...cause kids are great!  Tonight during dinner Lily and Izzy were totally fighting (nothing new).  And I said, "do you guys want me to start singing?"  Aka singing a church song aka love at home or something obnoxious like that.  And Izzy goes, "mom, that would just make me start dancing!"  And then I was thankful for sweet kids that make me laugh. 

Disclaimer:  Not that I think Love at Home is an obnoxious song, just that it's obnoxious when parents sing it to there fighting kids.

Small Moments

Today I thought I'd write about a favorite moment of my day.  But then I had two moments that seemed memorable, so I'll start with the one that you will want to wipe from your memory. 

My strangest moment of the day was when I put the pizza in the oven, set the timer for 12 minutes, and then ran to the shower hoping I'd be done before the pizza burnt.  (I guess I take long showers)  When I got out, the timer had gone off, so you guessed it, I took the pizza out of the oven naked.  And I suppose I should add that there were some slightly opened shades, but whateves.  When choosing between pizza and modesty, pizza so wins. (I would like to request that if this gives you a mental image, that you picture my naked body that of Pamela Anderson, or someone else with 0% body fat.)

My funnest moment of the day was spent on the couch with JUST Maya while Izzy played Starfall.com on the computer.  Maya had gotten a hold of my cell phone, and she wasn't about to let me take it.  So I decided that I would make it funner for her to play with it and I went and got the home phone and called the cell over and over for like 10 minutes.  The first time the cell rang, she looked at it and quickly set it down next to her.  A smart mom would have seen that as an opportunity to take the phone.  But I am not that mother.  I gave it back to her and told her it was okay.  So then every time my phone would ring, she'd dance by shaking her head back and forth, which is, by the way, adorable.  It was a fun 10 minutes.  I love to watch my sweet little one play.  I love to see something so small and young with such a big personality.  She is totally turning into a little girl and seeming less and less like a baby.  I don't know why time goes by so fast, but it is sad!

A change of tides...meaning hormones...meaning the crazies.

Happy Valentines Day!  Today is Valentines Day, which means that I could write a post with pictures just like everyone else does on this day about how much they just looooove their husband.  But I am going to assume that you all know that I totally love my husband, because I'm still married to him.  Now that THAT is cleared up...moving on.

What I really want to talk about today is hormones, because mine have been the boss lately.  This may be one of those TMI, honest posts, so if you don't like that kind of stuff, go.  Go now. 

My sweet baby is 11 months old right now.  And I have been nursing her for 11 months.  Because of this, I haven't had  a period since MAY of 2009.  (can I get a what what!)  But I think it's coming soon.  I start weaning the whole nursing process at 12 months, and usually around that time, ovulation kicks back in.  Anyway.  I've been having a REALLY hard time lately.  I even had John give me a Priesthood blessing on Saturday night because the crazies had taken control of my mind and I thought I was going to have to be hospitalized.  Kidding, but really...am I?  I've been totally having panic attacks and feel like I just haven't been in control of my mind for a few weeks which is suuuuupppeerrr lame.  And I'm totally on anti-depressants already for post pardom depression, so what's a girl to do? 

My solution that I'm hoping will work is to just change!  Change my life, and gain control.  I have realized lately that I have made 'rules' in my life that I just have to follow.  There are no reasons for these rules, and it's super dumb.  So I am deciding to break these rules and just do what I want!

One of the dumb rules/beliefs about myself that I am changing:

I am an all or nothing kind of  girl. 
I have totally said that.  Meaning, I go to the gym every day for the 2 hours I get in daycare, or I don't go at all.  I have had a really hard time with this rule since having #3.  It's HARD to keep up with everything and still spend 2 hours a the gym working out and showering and all that stuff.  So today, I went.  I dropped the kids off a little before my class, read my book for 20 minutes, did my 45 min yoga class and left.  It was OKAY that I didn't fill the two hours.  Why have I made this rule for myself? My new rule will be just to do my best.  I will do my best to be healthy and in shape, but I don't have to do it everyday.

there are other 'all or nothings' that I am planning on confronting.  Including my scripture study and my house cleaning, among other things.

I am trying to give myself freedom.  The freedom to change.  The freedom to break through from what I am to be who I want to be.   I have noticed lately that I am also incredibly self conscious as well, and I hate it real bad. 

I am taking this hormonal upheaval and rolling with it.  I am using it as an opportunity to change.  For me, this Valentines Day isn't about loving my spouse, because I can do that everyday.  This year, it's about loving me, and I will work on it until I CAN do that everyday.

Happy Friday!

Today I am going to tell you some funny stories about my Izzy that have happened this week, because it has been a HARD day with her, starting at 5 am, and involving lots of crying.

The other day out of nowhere, Izzy asks me, "mom, will I grow boobs?" 

Once this week, when we were watching a movie, there was kissing, and I covered her eyes and said, "ewww!  kissing!".  And she cried and cried until I rewound it so that she could see the kissing.  (I'm in trouble)

Yesterday Lily came running in saying, "mom!  Izzy keeps hitting me.", to which I responded, "Izzy quit hitting your sister!".   Izzy said, "Mom, I'm  not hitting her, I'm just practicing my kung-fu."

I am tired.  The End.

The Couch is Calling...

This has been kind of a rough week.  I think that the flu slightly has a grip on me, but it's not as bad as the girls.  Let me break my week down for you:

Mon:  My birthday!  A good day, but a TIRED day.  I layed on the couch from 11-2 in a state of exhaustion, almost constantly sleeping.  Then I could BARELY keep my eyes open long enough to watch Castle.  I went to bed at 10.

Tues:  I honestly can't really remember what I did yesterday, I know that no cleaning was done, so let's just assume I was on the couch a lot.  And then I went to bed at 9.  Wah wah.

Wed:  Today I dragged myself out of bed at 7:30, after 10 1/2 hours of sleep.  Then I was back on the couch by 9:30ish, and didn't get up until 11:15.  Then I got hungry, and I thought to myself, 'make lunch, too hard'.  (can't even THINK in complete sentences.)  I had $5 in my purse, so we went and got some kids meals at Sonic, it is Wacky Wednesday after all ($1.99/kids meal).  I was back on the couch from 1-3.  And I GUEESSSS I'll be done napping for the day.  I don't really have any other symptoms other than sheer exhaustion and dizziness.  And for those of you who want to be funny and be all, 'oh, I bet you're pregnant', I say, impossible.  (I would say not funny, but I actually AM kind of feeling baby hungry)

But all of THAT info was boring.  So in OTHER news.....

This is a Valentine that Lily came home from school with on Monday.  Cameron made it for her.   John and I have both met Cameron, and frankly, he is a scary kid.  He's the kid who always goes into the principals office and if you tell him no, lily can't come to his house today.  He gets real angry about it real fast I feel uneasy around him.  Oh, and he's 5.  I told John we should keep the valentine, that way, when lily is 20 and we see him on the news we can show Lily the valentine, and tell him that she knew the guy.

I am also totally not a fan of little stinky boys sending valentines to my sweet little Lily-Pie.  But I know that this is going to be a problem for the rest of my life.  You see, she is absolutely gorgeous.  And I'm not just being biased.  People tell me all the time, and I believe them.  I'm not sure if I am going to be posting pics of my kids on this blog, I am kind of thinking blogs with pics of kids should be private...even though my other one isn't.  But I also haven't blogged on my other one in over a year...maybe 2??

Anyway, the point of putting up a picture of Lily's valentine is this:  Dear Cameron (and other stinky boys):  Don't send love notes home with my daughter, I will cut you.  ( a little to harsh??  whatevs)


Disclaimer:  If you didn't enjoy this post, please come back anyway, I'm sick.  I'm totally off my game. 

I will NOT be defeated!

In my mind, men with gray hair look like this: 


 

While WOMEN with gray hair look like this:

I don't know why, but that is what I picture in my mind when I think of gray hairs.  It's messed up.  Let me tell you about the discovery of my first gray hair.  It was May 2009.  The week we were painting our house and getting new carpet to be exact.  The kids were shipped off to Thatcher so we could have less chaos, in the chaos.  It was the day we were getting our carpet, so I couldn't be home.  I had fabulous plans, go to the gym to shower, then the chiropractor, then hit a few movies for the day.  It was my chance to enjoy my time without kids!  

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.  

I was on my way home from the gym, and I looked in the rear view mirror.  There it was, the hair that was glaring at me, insulting my age.  After seeing it, when my brain became rational again I thought to myself, "maybe it's paint.  Maybe it's just PART of my hair that's white."  And then I pulled it out.  But it wasn't paint.  So clearly, the next step was to save it, put it in a ziploc sandwich bag, and drive to John's work to show him the offensive hair to get some love and pity.  Except I forgot one detail, my husband is FIVE years older than me.  Although he doesn't look like George Clooney quite yet, he is on his way.  When I arrived at his office with my gray hair, the only reaction I got was a head shake and an eye roll.  And I'm PRETTY sure he reached for his phone, and I suspect he has Northern Arizona's Mental Health Hospital on speed dial.  So un-comforted and sad, I proceeded through my day watching Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and ...the one where Beyonce kicks Allie Larders butt at the movies.  All day, I kept remembering that I had a gray hair, and it made me feel sad inside.  

I'm quite positive that I still have that gray hair still bagged up in my purse.

The really sad part of this story is that I have found 3-4 more gray hairs since then.  I am SURE that someday I will get old enough that I will stop pulling them out.  But today my friends, is not that day.

SO worth your time if you want a good laugh!

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-01-18T12%3A05%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=10

What Good Husbands Do...

Today, we celebrated my birthday!  It is 2 days early, but since my birthday is on a "school day", we won't be seeing John.

The Fam. dropped  me off at the library where I got to browse in peace for AN HOUR while they birthday shopped for me.  When they were done, we went out for lunch.  We at at Teppan Fuji.  It's one of those fun places where they cook it right in front of you with big flames.  The flames scared Maya.  They had been going for a few minutes, and no one was really paying attention to her because we were watching the cook.  Suddenly, she totally burst into tears, so I got her out of her high chair, where she proceeded to cling to me for 5 minutes after the fire was even out.  Poor sweetie-pie.

Then we came home and John wanted to do presents right away, he got me some SWEET STUFF.  You will see in a minute.

We ate leftovers, which were Cafe Rio Pork and Sweet Lime Cilantro Rice burritos, topped with some homemade guacamole, followed by chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream.

 What more could a girl want?

 Here are pictures of what John got me.....

He told me that since he got me a sweet mojo red kitchen aid for my birthday, it counts as Valentines Day too.  And that is JUST FINE with me.  (giddy laugh)

(ps: we named the kitchen aid Betty, when I said we should name her that, John said, "that is what I was thinking!".  It was meant to be.  She is Betty, and she is mine.)

Counting Candles

Flu season is here!  Lily AND Izzy have it.  Everyone is getting sick, just in time for my birthday.  Speaking of my birthday (see how I did that there??), I will be 29 on MONDAY!  MONDAYYY!!!!  I am kind of feeling like since it's my LAST birthday in the twenty's (how is this possible?)  I need to do something rebellious to mark this landmark occasion.  But what should I do?  I have made a list of things in my head, but all have been vetoed as I thought of them.  Here they are:

1. Soap someone's windows.  (No Camilla, that would ruin someone's day having to clean that off.)
2. Toilet paper someones house.  (No Camilla, it has been much too windy and it wouldn't even stay)
3. Go streaking.  (No Camilla, that would traumatize yourself, and all others involved)
4. What about skinny dipping?  (Too COLD!)
5. Do "IT' somewhere fun and exciting.  (No Camilla, just doing "IT' in your bed right now would be fun and exciting enough...what..tmi?)

So basically, that's all I've got.  That is where YOU come in.  I need your ideas for a fun and exciting way to say hello to my last twenty-something birthday.

Stay tuned for MONDAY when it's my actual birthday and I talk about how I'm getting gray hairs, and my high hopes for my 30's!

For my first REAL blog entry, I thought I would write about my first day without facebook. Since that is why I'm blogging anyway!

Today instead of being on facebook I:
-played care bears with Izzy while she took a bath
-looked into Maya's eyes while I nursed her, instead of looking at a computer screen
-sat on the couch and watched Electric Company while cuddling my kids
-cuddled with my kids with our 4 lb (literally) tub of animal crackers and played with animal crackers and bit there heads off

Things I STILL didn't do:
-get dressed (yoga pants-foreverrrrrrrr!)
-fold that last load of laundry
-make dinner without Maya holding on to my leg crying like she was going to die
-mop

Let's face it, not being on facebook doesn't create miracles, only a few more special moments in the day.

One reason I decided to take a break from facebook is because I asked myself, what memories am I creating of myself for my kids? I decided I don't want them to remember me sitting on the computer telling them to go play with each other. I want to make memories of sitting on the couch with them biting heads off of animal crackers instead. So that is what I did!

Let's Have Fun!

Welcome to my new blog! The other blog was stale, and let's face it, unused. I think it was offended about how I ignored it, so here we are on a new one!

I have created this blog as a way to keep in contact with the people who are REAL, honest, and true friends. I started getting crap on facebook from people about how I was 'negative' and my sarcasm just wasn't reading through on the screen. So I said, forget you facebook, I don't need them haters!

Let me tell you about what I want this new blog to be. I want it to be fun! I want it to be honest. I want my readers to sometimes think, "man, I can't believe she's even telling us this". Because I want to be so honest and real, that everyone can relate. I know that as a stay at home mom, sometimes I feel alone, like I'm the only one going through stuff. This blog is to let you know that you aren't alone! I want it to be real, but not to the point that it's depressing. Let's look at our lives and find the humor in it, and make sure we appreciate the joy too.

I am going to try to blog every day, probably won't happen, but wouldn't that be great? As for now, I'd better go. Because Izzy hates Lily. Lily has a fever (day 4). And Maya fo sho has poo.