I have totally blogged in the past, about my post pardom depression I have suffered with Maya. I was nursing, so the only anti-depressant I could take was Zoloft. Zoloft took the edge off, but I still wasn't good. When I finished nursing, I was like YEA! Finally! And I went straight to my Dr. to get some Celexa. I took Celexa previously and it worked way good. Anyway i didn't mean for this to turn into a big story about what meds camilla is taking. I just wanted to let you know that
THE CELEXA IS WORKING
The light has come on. I know that for a lot of people talking about PPD and being on meds is totally taboo and people do it in secret. But I have come to the point where I feel comfortable talking about it and I think we all should. Having babies MESSES STUFF UP and it's okay to take something to put it back where it should be.
Let me tell you how I KNOW the Celexa is working:
1. I don't sleep like a teenager anymore. Saturday is my sleep in day, (sunday is johns) I can hardly take my sleep in day anymore. Since I'm not depressed, I can't sleep 12 hours straight and lay in bed like I have no will to live.
2. I have actually gone to the grocery store at like 8 am before John goes to work so I can go w/out kids. I used to judge you, Kelly Crowder, and be like how can you DO THAT? how can you shop so early? but now i know!
3. My productivity has gone up like crazy. On sunday, before my 1:30 church, i made homemade hummus AND wheat thins, AND did a craft with the kids to send to Grandma.
4. (this is a big one) I don't take naps. I used to need naps EVERY DAY without fail. And I always thought I was my thyroid problems, that I was tired from that. But since i've been on these meds, I habitually try a nap,but I just don't need it. (my kids love this)
There are many, many more things that I could write about, explaining how much better I feel right now, but it might get to long, and I like short blog posts.
Unfortunately, it hasn't fixed everything. I still HATE taking Lily shopping. She is so picky and some things just aren't 'her style'. Luckily, the girls have a patient dad, and I'm pretty sure that in the teenage years, he'll be doing the shopping with the kids. I hate shopping so bad, and I just can't take it.
Anyway, some of you might think this post is weird, but for me, after having lots of depression for a long time, I'm feeling like I'm on cloud 9.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Not on the Over-Achiever List
Remember when my blog was new, and I blogged lots? That was fun.
Today I am blogging about my experience at the library. I took Izzy and Maya to the library for story time, but there wasn't story time so we just stayed and played. I dropped them off at the kids spot and went over to the magazine section. I ended up grabbing O Magazine because they only had People in Spanish. Seriously? Spanish? Then I went back to my kids, plopped down and proceeded to read while they played. But as I was reading, I noticed something...something that I thought was weird. There were 4 other moms there with their kids, and they were PLAYING with them. They were reading books and doing puzzles with their children. Don't get me wrong, I totally play with my kids all the time. The thing is, if I wanted to read books to my kids and do puzzles, I would just stay home. I take them to the library to let them play with the new, fresh toys, so that I can get a break. I was totally feeling like a bad mom being the only one in the kid section not playing with my kids. The question is, did I stop reading and go do puzzles with my kids? Nope. Cause they were happy being on their own. And even though I felt like the other moms were judging me for enjoying my magazine (which they probably weren't), I know that I'm a good mom. And reading O Magazine every once in a while while my kids play at the library makes me a BETTER mom.
(the one in the background reading all alone, that's me. Bo-ya! lol)
Today I am blogging about my experience at the library. I took Izzy and Maya to the library for story time, but there wasn't story time so we just stayed and played. I dropped them off at the kids spot and went over to the magazine section. I ended up grabbing O Magazine because they only had People in Spanish. Seriously? Spanish? Then I went back to my kids, plopped down and proceeded to read while they played. But as I was reading, I noticed something...something that I thought was weird. There were 4 other moms there with their kids, and they were PLAYING with them. They were reading books and doing puzzles with their children. Don't get me wrong, I totally play with my kids all the time. The thing is, if I wanted to read books to my kids and do puzzles, I would just stay home. I take them to the library to let them play with the new, fresh toys, so that I can get a break. I was totally feeling like a bad mom being the only one in the kid section not playing with my kids. The question is, did I stop reading and go do puzzles with my kids? Nope. Cause they were happy being on their own. And even though I felt like the other moms were judging me for enjoying my magazine (which they probably weren't), I know that I'm a good mom. And reading O Magazine every once in a while while my kids play at the library makes me a BETTER mom.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Day..whatever, What is in your purse?
Okay peeps, this is going to get weird....
Diapers
wipes
pens
checkbook
cough drop
mayas immunization card
a mini dots box
a wipe from when lily got a bloody nose at target
goldfish
cell phone
keys to my car
LOTS of reciepts
wallet
keys to johns car
before i had kids, i didn't even carry a purse. It's not for me, it's for my kids, so that i always have wipes and diapers on me for the unfortunate public poo-ing.
Sorry I haven't been blogging. Been having a rough time. I started the HCG diet which was a huge fail cause it made me feel sick and crappy. And right now I'm on my 4th day of extreme nausea and buttox cleansing, and I don't know what's causing it. (tmi) Def not pg tho.
Diapers
wipes
pens
checkbook
cough drop
mayas immunization card
a mini dots box
a wipe from when lily got a bloody nose at target
goldfish
cell phone
keys to my car
LOTS of reciepts
wallet
keys to johns car
before i had kids, i didn't even carry a purse. It's not for me, it's for my kids, so that i always have wipes and diapers on me for the unfortunate public poo-ing.
Sorry I haven't been blogging. Been having a rough time. I started the HCG diet which was a huge fail cause it made me feel sick and crappy. And right now I'm on my 4th day of extreme nausea and buttox cleansing, and I don't know what's causing it. (tmi) Def not pg tho.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Day 24- Share a story about your past that you are ashamed of.
Most people aren't doing this one, because it's quite a personal question, but I am going to do it, and hope that you will be able to empathize with me, all you mothers out there.
We moved to Flagstaff after Izzy was born. Like, RIGHT after. Like we practically got KICKED out of our Cedar City house and was homeless for a while. John lived in a hotel, and I lived with my mom for like 2 weeks, with my month old and my 2 year old. NOT IDEAL. It was stressful bad. Izzy was my first experience with post pardom depression. I SO lucked out with Lily, and didn't have it.
So you take moving with a newborn, post pardom depression, packing, unpacking, and having no friends and no social outlets whatsoever, and you ARE going to crack.
It was naptime, I was SO TIRED and I'm sure depressed and feeling like I wanted to crawl into bed and die. Izzy was sleeping like a good baby, for once. Lily usually slept 2-3 hours at the time, but not this day, oh no. She kept getting up and waking me up out of my almost sleep, which is the most frustrating thing in the world. I eventually freaked out. I picked her up by her shoulders and yelled at her in her face that she WAS going to sleep and that she's better not get up again or I'd spank her. Something along those lines. I just remember, holding her up to my face and yelling at her. She was 2 years old. Now that I look back I realize that my behavior when we moved was very selfish. It never even occurred to me that SHE was adjusting to a new home, no friends AND a new baby. I did nothing to make any transition easier for her. I was having to hard of a time myself. Luckily, it appeared that she adjusted to Izzy very well from all of my pre-birth preparation.
I know that it's 'okay' that I did this, as long as I realized that it was wrong, and never do it again. Which I do. I completely do. I know that parents do worse, I know that I could've done worse in my state. But the memory of holding my sweet little 2 year old up in the air to yell in her face will be something that will always haunt me forever.
We moved to Flagstaff after Izzy was born. Like, RIGHT after. Like we practically got KICKED out of our Cedar City house and was homeless for a while. John lived in a hotel, and I lived with my mom for like 2 weeks, with my month old and my 2 year old. NOT IDEAL. It was stressful bad. Izzy was my first experience with post pardom depression. I SO lucked out with Lily, and didn't have it.
So you take moving with a newborn, post pardom depression, packing, unpacking, and having no friends and no social outlets whatsoever, and you ARE going to crack.
It was naptime, I was SO TIRED and I'm sure depressed and feeling like I wanted to crawl into bed and die. Izzy was sleeping like a good baby, for once. Lily usually slept 2-3 hours at the time, but not this day, oh no. She kept getting up and waking me up out of my almost sleep, which is the most frustrating thing in the world. I eventually freaked out. I picked her up by her shoulders and yelled at her in her face that she WAS going to sleep and that she's better not get up again or I'd spank her. Something along those lines. I just remember, holding her up to my face and yelling at her. She was 2 years old. Now that I look back I realize that my behavior when we moved was very selfish. It never even occurred to me that SHE was adjusting to a new home, no friends AND a new baby. I did nothing to make any transition easier for her. I was having to hard of a time myself. Luckily, it appeared that she adjusted to Izzy very well from all of my pre-birth preparation.
I know that it's 'okay' that I did this, as long as I realized that it was wrong, and never do it again. Which I do. I completely do. I know that parents do worse, I know that I could've done worse in my state. But the memory of holding my sweet little 2 year old up in the air to yell in her face will be something that will always haunt me forever.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Day 23- What is something you crave.
This is NOT going to be a one object answer.
1. Ice Cream
2. Indian Food
(now I want some indian food super bad. Stupid blog.)
3. Attention/Love (it might sound depressing, but it's cause my husband works AND is in school, our marriage is great, I just never see him.
(I chose this picture so I could say...)
4. Speaking of Gerard Butler, I'm pretty sure he could count as a craving. mmmmm. raarrr. (it's okay, John knows, he's okay with it)
5. Dang, now I really just want Indian Food.
What about this? Indian food WHILE cuddling John, watching a Gerard Butler movie and then ice cream for dessert!! All cravings SOLVED! It would be like a happy overload!
1. Ice Cream
(now I want some indian food super bad. Stupid blog.)
3. Attention/Love (it might sound depressing, but it's cause my husband works AND is in school, our marriage is great, I just never see him.
4. Speaking of Gerard Butler, I'm pretty sure he could count as a craving. mmmmm. raarrr. (it's okay, John knows, he's okay with it)
5. Dang, now I really just want Indian Food.
What about this? Indian food WHILE cuddling John, watching a Gerard Butler movie and then ice cream for dessert!! All cravings SOLVED! It would be like a happy overload!
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else.
I asked John this question. He thought for a minute, and then said, "you married a sexy beast".
Helpful.
Then I said, 'should I say I'm a really good dance?' and he said, "but that's not true, so does that mean that I'm not sexy either?" Now he's worried what I'm typing about him.....
Okay, we've come up with one that we agree works. I pluck my eyebrows in the car. That's right. I. AM. SO. DIFFERENT. Most pluck in the bathroom, but nope, not me. I drive to Lily's school, and sit there and wait. While I'm waiting, I sit and pluck, and hope no one is watching. And if they are...whateves, they're just jealous of my perfectly sculpted eyebrows. For real, I have gotten compliments on my eyebrows.
Helpful.
Then I said, 'should I say I'm a really good dance?' and he said, "but that's not true, so does that mean that I'm not sexy either?" Now he's worried what I'm typing about him.....
Okay, we've come up with one that we agree works. I pluck my eyebrows in the car. That's right. I. AM. SO. DIFFERENT. Most pluck in the bathroom, but nope, not me. I drive to Lily's school, and sit there and wait. While I'm waiting, I sit and pluck, and hope no one is watching. And if they are...whateves, they're just jealous of my perfectly sculpted eyebrows. For real, I have gotten compliments on my eyebrows.
Friday, April 15, 2011
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